Warmest Greetings,

:: Monday, December 08, 2003 ::

Having a rotten day so I wrote this for Cre8asiteForums' Chat and Rave section instead. Please forgive the indulgence and pass me that beer.

How To Please Everyone on the Internet, by Kim Krause

While going through the list of complaint/problem/suggestion for improvement/rude email feedback emails I had in today's inbox I suddenly had this vision of how to make all websites usable, once and for all. It goes like this.

There is a homepage. It has a series of buttons that will figure out exactly what you want first, before taking you anywhere or asking for your money. Those buttons will have labels such as:

1. Click here if your browser is Netscape 6.0
2. Click here if your browser is Netscape 7.0 and up
3. Click here if you refuse to upgrade past Netscape 4.7. Fill out the form to explain why.
4. Click here if you have all the current plug-ins, including Adobe Acrobat and FLASH.
5. Click here if you don't. Fill out the form to explain why. Here's a pen.
6. Click here if you are using a MAC. I didn't design the site to work on that machine because I can't possibly afford two computers.
7. Click here if you are using dial-up. I removed all the graphics for you so the pages will load faster, but they're pretty boring now.
8. Click here if you have any visual impairments. Don't worry. I can't see either.
9. Click here if you received an email from me and your spam filter spit it out. Fix your filter please. I don't send spam.
10. Click here before sending me anything. I don't trust you either.
11. Click here AFTER you read the About, Bio or Services pages so you don't send me questions I don't know a danged thing about.
12. Click here if you can't find what you want on my site. I bet it wasn't in my business objectives or site plan either.
13. Click here to return to the "Home" page even though you're already on the Home page. Hey, everyone else has a "'Home' that links to home" link on their page, so why shouldn't I?
14. Click here to visit my Amazon Wish List. Then come back and visit my website. And better yet, click on all the Google AdSense ads that lead you off my site. As long as I'm advertising everybody else's stuff and letting you click off my pages, I may as well get paid for it.
15. Click here if you think I work for free and thank you for visiting my site.

:: posted by Kim Krause Berg on 12/08/2003 02:07:48 PM

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