Warmest Greetings,

:: Tuesday, April 01, 2003 ::

Cre8asite Owner Buys The (Linux) Farm...

Interview/Article by Peter vaDanzo

Google is Not Goddess, Either

"When a search for "sex goddess" brought up my name, I knew it was time to buy the company."

Cre8asiteForums founder, Kim Krause, has reportedly purchased Google for an undisclosed sum.

Asked how she could possibly afford to buy Google, the single mother of two replied, "It was cheap! All it is a bunch of Linux boxes and some smart technology invented during spontaneous chats with PhD's by the water cooler. Heck, a few cereal box tops, a promise never to go IPO, and bring them lunch once in awhile, and I was given the royal treatment. What I can't figure out is why Bill Gates didn't beat me to it."

In a move that has shocked search engine optimization experts and web development forum owners because of the potential to unearth all of Google's secrets, Krause immediately called an emergency meeting of all the Moderators from her famous Cre8asiteForums to discuss how to use the algorithm and PageRank information to their advantage.

"We have the potential to bump Webmaster World down a few notches because we not only know who Google Guy is now, but we'll be paying his salary. What a great new addition to Cre8asite and our Google forum!"

While Cre8asiteForums will benefit from being privy to all of Google's hidden secrets, they don't intend on withholding the information. Remarked Krause, as she spotted a spider and gently lifted it to an open nearby window to set it free, ("It's a spider. They're the sacred Google totem and must be treated with respect."), the moment of satisfaction came when she and her head long-winded moderator, Ammon Johns, had the chance to rewrite Google's suggestions for search engine optimization.

"We thought it was funny for Google to say 'Be careful if a company is secretive or won't clearly explain what they intend to do.' Ok. Think Google Toolbar for God's sake and their 89-year cookie. I mean, who has the most secrets, the search engine with mysterious algorithms and PageRank computations, or the SEO company who charges $10 to submit your website to 6000 search engines?"

The future of Google, and whether or not it will continue to compete with Inktomi as Yahoo!'s on again, off again play toy, is unknown. Krause admits buying Google cooled her dismay at ranking for the keyword "sex goddess". "To be frank, I run a forum. Who the hell has time for sex?" she shrugs, as Ammon calls to her from a nearby water cooler discussion area. "You know, if I change my name to Ishtar or Isis, owning Google could turn out to be quite rewarding..." and I watch as she trots off to flirt her way into uncovering Google's most coveted secrets.

:: posted by Kim Krause Berg on 4/01/2003 08:02:37 AM

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